absolutely gorgeous.

civic engagement has not decreased from the 1960s. our definition of civic engagement has shifted and it is misunderstanding which makes people believe the preceding statement is false. sure, a quarter less people vote now than in 1960s, which was relative high point of voter turnout in american history. but this is mainly b/c of disenfranchisement with government which has resulted in present day apathy. civic engagement has shifted to the thing im typing on and the thing americans watch every night. That is what people care about and that is where people spend their time aside from work. social capital in the traditional sense is gone. now it's shown when we talk about how many touchdowns eli manning can score in one season and what marissa did on the oc last night.

i do think things are starting to turn in the right direction. with the advent of blogging, increased sharing of information, and even facebook, people are connecting in different means than before, which some traditionalists may argue are less real and fulfilling. nonetheless, like i said, information and ideas are flowing and that's straight up.

all i gotta say is... this better be my bike tomorrow.

ps. last post not a negative thing

there is no such thing as satisfaction. the only time we think we feel it is in the anticipation of being satisfied.

just dug this up.
"2005-05-16 - 3:12 p.m.


last thursday

faint/bright eyes

let me tell you a story..


first we had to stop at blake's brother's house to pick him up

we brought him to the liquor store to pick up some stuff for us

then i ran into mcdonald's to get cups

then the karkov began flowing into my system

i drank a lot, fast

it was such a liberating experience

me, in public, in minneapolis, drunk

sad i know, but to me it was special

i remember the night so vividly

we were sitting in the car across from the target center drinking at a stop light while police men and pedestrians were walking by, i tipped my hat to them as i downed a large sip of my drink

i love the city, it was so happening

i remember feeling it kick in by the train depot, chemicals rushing through my blood stream

giggling like a little kid, michelle blake and alex laughing at me

we walked out of the parking lot down a ramp, i started falling/running down the ramp, yelling, "i cant stop"

yelling "emo" to random kids that were, yes, emo

i loved how people (from a distance) were oblivious to my state of mind

thinking we were late to the first part of the faint, yet when we walked into first avenue, honestly right as we walked in the opening chords of desperate guys began playing, violins*

rocking out the whole time, while people were just standing there

feeling my world spin while kids, like me, stood there, watching

seeing alex sitting on the floor after bright eyes, and swooping onto the floor next to him

it may sound sad to some, but it was one of the best nights of my life

it was something that i never thought i would do....

beautiful in every sense

then i went to mounds view

alex had to pick up something, allie and pk were there

i tried a straight line test, failed

then proceeded to walk into the school which i have lived in as 'most respected' runner-up biggest perfectionist




breaking out

flowing freely



"

coming home is like realizing you wasted the first 17 years of your life.
more so, my family is sweet.

please don float

so there's this girl. i like her. if only i could follow through.

dont be an enigma. it is bad for you.

normal human progress: stifled.

flickr always brightens my day

sometimes, i hate my cell phone.

breathe.

it's the first time i ever quit.
first time i ever gave myself a break.

"ill go all the way. but just slow down. "
for many, fear outweighs the prospects of success. myself included. we may satiate feelings of success through dreams and or external mediums. but that's an optimistic way to look at it. we fear being put in a situation less than ideal, yet we may already be in it, it's just that no one notices. that is fear. how others perceive us.